Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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