I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
