I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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