What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize