Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
