Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
