please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
