The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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