he looks like a really good dad on facebook
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
