i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
