Kiss
Puke
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
