Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize