Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
