Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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