You smell like stripper and shame
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
