Say something about gay babies.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
