He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
