brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
