Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
