I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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