I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
