Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
