okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
