gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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