Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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