Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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