He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
