you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
