dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
