i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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