There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize