The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
