My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
