sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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