I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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