the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
