I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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