I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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