I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize