This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
