I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
