i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
