I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
