There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
