i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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