Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
