Kiss
Puke
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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