this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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