I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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