Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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