Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
