he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
