he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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