so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
