he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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