Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
