I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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