I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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