Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
