I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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