I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's just like the Real World with babies
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
