I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
