i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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