did you get engaged???
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
