he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
