All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
