I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just found a bag of teeth...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
