I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
