New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He better not be in your backpack
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
