Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
