Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
