Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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