I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
