So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
