just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
