Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
