better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
