He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
