Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
