I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
