I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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